Boundaries: The Castle Metaphor

Respecting each others’ boundaries is a critical component in all relationships. Boundaries are limits created by you to protect your values and demonstrate to others which behaviors you will, and will not, accept from them. Creating healthy boundaries helps to create a better sense of self esteem and respect for yourself and others.

For the sake of argument (and to have a little fun), let’s go medieval for a minute and equate personal boundaries with visiting someone’s castle. When you are in someone’s castle you need to be polite and respectful while you are there. Why is this so important? For starters, being allowed to enter into someone’s castle shows they respect you enough to let you into their personal space – basically, they’ve let down their drawbridge. If you can appreciate this fact, you will feel special and respected. But if you don’t appreciate it, you may meet an undesirable fate (see below). Thus, it is critical that you follow the “Rules of the Castle”:

Rules of the Castle

1. Do not steal. This includes taking ANYTHING that isn’t yours to take including physical objects, thoughts, ideas, or attention. Remember: it’s not all about you.
2. Be polite. Always say “Please”, “Thank you”, and “You’re welcome”.
3. Always ask if you are unsure. Assumptions lead to expectations and expectations become seeds of disappointment.
4. Pick-up after yourself. When you are done working or playing pick up your things (books, toys, swords, etc.) and put them back for the next time or the next person.
5. Don’t be selfish. This includes greed and possessiveness. Share and share alike; for to do unto others is to do unto oneself.
6. Play nicely. Be a good sport, demonstrate good showmanship and give others the benefit of the doubt.
7. Take time to appreciate. Make it a point to stop what you are doing and observe what is happening around you. Look around and learn to appreciate the people and environment. Develop respect for this opportunity; cherish the experience; savor the moment.
8. Treat this castle as if it was your own. Take pride in it and be thankful.
9. Be generous. When cutting cake always offer the bigger slice to your host.
10. Bow or curtsy in a graceful manner. When making closing salutations always pay proper respect to the master of the house.

Those that cannot follow these rules will be shown the catapult!

Happy June,

The Ambassador of Goodwill

Reason, Season or Lifetime?

I wanted to take a moment this week and quote one of my favorite passages about relationships written by Brian A. "Drew" Chalker. Every time I read it I remember how important it is to honor the purpose of our relationships—not only when they begin, but when they end as well. May you find purpose in each and every one of your relationships and value them as a necessary component along your journey!

Peace.

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People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem to be like a gift, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. And, when their reason is done, they will leave your life just as quickly as they entered into it.

Without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand; sometimes they just stop calling; sometimes they move away; sometimes they die. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, our lesson learned. Therefore, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered, and now it is time to move on.

When people come into your life for a season, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, a purpose-filled relationship, or make you laugh. They may teach you things you have never known, but things you will never forget. They usually bring you an unbelievable abundance of joy. Believe it! They are real; but only for a season. Their season may be weeks; months; maybe even years; but when their season is complete, they, too, will leave your life. Sometimes only for the time being; sometimes forever. Bless the relationship; appreciate the season; love the purpose.

Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation so that your life may continue to move forward. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. When people enter your life for a lifetime, they are there in good times and bad; they share in your joy and sadness; their love for you is unending. Your connection to them is permanent, and your relationship is unique. Lifetime relationships last a lifetime! This lifetime and often many more; past, present, future; time knows no boundaries in lifetime relationships. They are sacred; holy ground. Treat them with the most respect that comes from the very fiber of your being; for lifetime relationships define your existence.