It Begins With You

Relationships are one of the most important aspects of our lives. Our relationships help us define who we are and who we strive to become. They mirror our strongest feelings about ourselves and show us where we need to grow. Therefore, the first, and most important, relationship we need to develop is with ourselves. All other relationships - family, friends, coworkers, romantic partners - stem from this self love.

True love for oneself comes with the acceptance that all we have experienced and currently are experiencing is a necessary part of our own personal evolution. It also comes from a constant commitment to healing and repairing those parts of our lives where there is still pain, anger, or lack of resolution - which are all based in fear. The purpose of fear is to remind us where we need to place focus in our lives. Feelings such as self-doubt and impatience are clear indicators that we are having a difficult time balancing our priorities with our intentions, and the first person we will blame for that is ourselves. And that is painful. We blame ourselves for "not doing it right", for missing out on a great opportunity, or for repeating the same mistakes. Although these feelings appear to be legitimate they are based in our fears and we may feel powerless to change them.

Fortunately, a key to assist us through these feelings is surrender. Not surrender in the form of quitting, but surrender as a means of releasing our need to: 1) control everything that is happening to us; and 2) releasing our need to know what is going to happen next. In other words, staying present. Being truly present is, in itself, an enormous task especially when we are busy. But being present opens us to the feelings of love and acceptance.

Another support is that we have two helping hands - trust and faith. And the most powerful forms of those two amazing allies - trust and faith in ourselves. Trust in yourself says, "There's nothing I have to have, nothing I have to do, and nothing I have to be, except exactly what I'm being right now." (compliments of Neale Donald Walsch in Conversations with God). We can only expect ourselves to show up each day, take things as they come, and do the best with the knowledge and information that we've been given. Loving yourself releases you from doing or being anything other what who and what you are right now. The rest of life is just "what it is". Faith says, "I was made for a purpose and that purpose is being fulfilled in every moment of my being." This state of being provides the basis for patience - the ability to know that we are in alignment with all that we are requesting in every moment whether it shows up right away or not. There is a divine timing to all things and our trust and faith allows us to accept that reality with gratitude.

Remembering we are divine beings and believing we are perfectly aligned with our purpose in each and every moment - even when the moment may be challenging - gives us the opportunity to be in alignment - to breathe, relax, and center ourselves. When we are in alignment, the miracles we’ve personally requested will come to us. Then we will feel our own personal power. Then God and the Universe can work with and through us. Then, and only then, can we experience true self love.

Namaste,

The Ambassador

Common Relationship Myths

Relationships are an essential part of our life experience. Through relationships we learn to heal, grow, and find the reflections of our best selves in the those around us. As I pondered about the purpose of romantic relationships recently I thought I'd share some common myths.

1. You Only Get One Person; One Love (or there is only one person out there for you)

If this was true then you would still be with your second grade crush (and maybe you are)! However, this is one of the greatest myths that causes so many relationships to turn bitter, ugly, and sour, or keeps people together despite the fact that they are miserable. You don’t only get “one” person… you choose one person to be with at the time in your life where that relationship with them is loving, fulfilling, and purposeful. Life is in constant motion, and since life constantly changes, you also change. In a relationship as you change individually, you also have the opportunity to change together--in so, you also make a choice. You can continue to choose the same person over and over again but you are not obligated to stay in any relationship that’s not adding to your growth. Healthy relationships are always about freedom, not obligation. If your relationship is starting to crack, look at where you need to be more flexible, loving, and understanding. Communication is key here: listen to one another, ask for what you need, be respectful, and always keep both of your best interests in mind. Relationships are, indeed, a two-way street!

2. "I’ve Had a Tough Life—A Relationship Will Help Heal My Wounds"

Good luck with that! Relationships will bring up everything in your life that is unhealed or broken about you (emotionally or spiritually) but you do not want to use your relationship/partner to heal you—this is something you need to do for yourself. If you rely on your partner to fix you, then you’ve not taken responsibility for yourself and when you are eventually unhappy you will blame them for “not doing it right”.

3. Being In A Relationship is Better Than Being Alone

Not if it’s a bad relationship! Remember that relationships are meant for you to connect with another spirit in order to understand more about yourself. If you are using a relationship to mask loneliness, which is based in fear, your relationship will allow you to forget your loneliness temporarily, but loneliness will still be there. Also, if you are in a bad relationship that is not helping you grow, you cannot attract a good relationship since you already have that vacancy filled!

4. In Relationships, Opposites Attract

Yes, they may attract at first, but they rarely sustain. Having different qualities in one another can certainly be appealing—especially when you first meeting someone, but in the long run you will need to find more common ground on which to walk together. Use your differences to teach one another more about the sides of yourselves you’ve yet to explore and use your relationship to help each other grow. Just be sure to focus on your differences as strengths and whether you agree or not, always be respectful.

5. "I’ve Tried Being In Relationships Before, But I Always Seem To Mess Things Up."

You will get what you intend. Examine what you went into the relationship for in the first place—was it to fill a void in your life? Have someone to take care of? You will need to find peace with yourself before you go into relationship or you will find yourself attempting to deal with your own personal problems through your partner, making your problems theirs or vice versa. Develop a relationship with yourself before going into a relationship with another. Find peace with yourself, your past, and your decisions. Also, if you believe that you will “mess up” a relationship, then you will automatically program yourself into “sabotage-mode” and in time the relationship will, indeed, fail—it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Set your course for success! Believe that you deserve and will have a positive, loving relationship.

Make this springtime about creating healthy and happy relationships in your life. Happy Spring!

Namaste.

The Ambassador of Goodwill

Accepting Your Decisions

Until a few years ago, I would regularly feel disappointment when the outcome of a decision I’d made didn’t turn out as planned. I felt I'd made a "wrong" decision and I would focus on how I should have chosen differently. This was until I realized every decision I made is, indeed, always the “right” decision at the time—it all depends on how you look at it. How can that be possible? Because life is a process of growing, and making choices (and mistakes) is an integral part of the growing process!

The basis for this belief is in respecting yourself. Whether you make (what you consider) a good decision or not, you need to respect and support yourself--believing that you’re making the best choice with the information you have at the moment. If, later down the line you realize that you didn’t make the “best” choice (i.e., the outcome of our decision did not turn out favorably), you have the opportunity to learn how to accept the outcome as a learning experience.

Love and accept yourself as you are—but also love and accept yourself as you were… even if who you were has caused you disappointment. You cannot know what the future holds; you can only choose what you feel is best at that precise moment. After the decision has been made you can choose to be disappointed by the results or you can accept them, love them, and treat them as life lessons and a necessary part of your journey. For without decisions with “less than desirable consequences”, how would you have the opportunity to know what not to do?

Next time you are faced with the unexpected outcome of a decision think about what you choose to believe—think about your perspective: Crisis or Catharsis? Obstacle or Opportunity? Instead of blaming yourself for your decision, think again—accept your decision and the undesired consequences as signals to learn from your choices and use the opportunity to look for the “lesson in the learning”. This is a perfect time to love and accept yourself and your decisions as necessary steps down your road of discovery. Besides, once you learn to accept all of yourself you will be able to accept others--and that equals a win-win situation!

Be Well.

Reason, Season or Lifetime?

I wanted to take a moment this week and quote one of my favorite passages about relationships written by Brian A. "Drew" Chalker. Every time I read it I remember how important it is to honor the purpose of our relationships—not only when they begin, but when they end as well. May you find purpose in each and every one of your relationships and value them as a necessary component along your journey!

Peace.

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People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem to be like a gift, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. And, when their reason is done, they will leave your life just as quickly as they entered into it.

Without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand; sometimes they just stop calling; sometimes they move away; sometimes they die. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, our lesson learned. Therefore, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered, and now it is time to move on.

When people come into your life for a season, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, a purpose-filled relationship, or make you laugh. They may teach you things you have never known, but things you will never forget. They usually bring you an unbelievable abundance of joy. Believe it! They are real; but only for a season. Their season may be weeks; months; maybe even years; but when their season is complete, they, too, will leave your life. Sometimes only for the time being; sometimes forever. Bless the relationship; appreciate the season; love the purpose.

Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation so that your life may continue to move forward. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. When people enter your life for a lifetime, they are there in good times and bad; they share in your joy and sadness; their love for you is unending. Your connection to them is permanent, and your relationship is unique. Lifetime relationships last a lifetime! This lifetime and often many more; past, present, future; time knows no boundaries in lifetime relationships. They are sacred; holy ground. Treat them with the most respect that comes from the very fiber of your being; for lifetime relationships define your existence.