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Photo by D. A. Garriss
Many times our memories can serve us well. Through the process of reminiscing, recall of positive memories can aid in healing depression or just lift your spirits! We can use positive memory triggers such as a pictures, songs, old love letters, etc., to evoke feelings of happiness and contentment. You will notice this type of behavior most commonly demonstrated in people as they age. By being in touch with our “sentimental side", we are able to invoke memories that bring us continued happiness and a feeling of well-being.
Our memories can also be sources of pain and turmoil. Negative feelings from memories are often a result of unresolved issues or unexpressed emotions associated with an event or person, and since these issues have not been resolved they carry a large burden of repressed emotions in connection with them. These memories may be from childhood - a time when we were not mature enough to understand how to deal with event or circumstance - so the lack of maturity and insight may have caused us to feel like a victim, whether or not we actually were. By nature, we conjured up the human “fight or flight” response, in which our bodies automatically protect themselves and moved into a state of denial. This denial only caused the associated feelings to be repressed in the mind and body where they will stay until eventually released... or not.
People spend millions of dollars each year to open old wounds and re-visit painful memories to try and make sense of them. Many methods such as counseling, meditation, rebirthing, hypnosis, therapy, etc., seek to uncover the roots of repressed memories and apply present wisdom to help release and heal them. Whichever method(s) you choose it's important to release any memories which have been repressed in the mind and body, for unexpressed emotions are the root of dis-ease.
Once we have released the associated repressed emotions (hurt, anger, fear, resentment, etc.) we can learn to look at the event in a new light. This can be achieved by reframing the event, or using a new and different perspective. Reframing includes revisiting an event, remembering the words that were said, actions that took place, reactions and thoughts that were playing through your mind at the time, and then remembering the conclusion you made based on those variables. When we undergo this process we may realize maybe we were wrong in our assumptions or conclusions. Now we are forced to examine those assumptions to see if they are still valid. We may often assume that we were at fault for the outcomes of events when the reality is that we were not at fault at all. By reframing the event with an updated understanding we can see the true reality that was underlying the event all along.
Above all else, reframing events allows us to learn to accept. Acceptance is a critical step in personal evolution as it honors the relationship between you and the rest of the world. To learn how to accept events and people as they are will be a catalyst for your continued growth, and reframing will allow you to understand the memories of your life with an attitude of acceptance, appreciation and gratitude - no matter what the events are or may have been.
This week, take the opportunity to think about where there may be opportunities for healing in your life. Could reframing help you to move beyond pain and into resolution? Give it some thought.
Be Well.
The Ambassador of Goodwill
Body Speaks
On March 27, 2009, I was diagnosed with Level 3 malignant melanoma--skin cancer.
Although there are many different types of skin cancer, melanoma is by far the most lethal and spreads the fastest... that is unless you catch it early. Luckily, I have a great dermatologist, Dr. Ide, who had the eye to spot this suspicious looking mole on my back, take the biopsy, and have it analyzed right away. It was, indeed, a cancerous tumor. His suspicions were right on.
Upon receiving my advanced diagnosis I met with the surgeon, Dr. Economou, another excellent physician from whom I've received surgical support in the past, and the news was that Level 3 was still a step above the level of lymph (Level 4), which is a very good sign. My prognosis was very good. We scheduled my surgery for a wide excision the following week to remove surrounding tissue. The surgery went very smoothly and I'm happy to say that all of my pathology reports came back clear! The cancer has been removed from my body. From diagnosis to cure in two weeks. Now that's incredible.
Mind and Spirit Respond
I happened to be at our home up in Bemidji spending a weekend alone when I got that call from Dr. Ide's office informing me of the initial diagnosis. Not good news--in fact, the worst kind in the case of this cancer. Now to sit and wait for detailed lab results the next week... it was going to be a long weekend. So what kind of mood was I going to be in for three days? Sad? Angry? Worried?
Or, at peace.
Initially I faced my fears as I sorted through the possibilities, but it really didn't last long. I made a choice at that moment to accept this reality, accept my body, and accept the process of what was happening to me. I looked at this diagnosis with gratitude--an opportunity to pay attention to my body and listen to its messages. I was thankful for this "wake-up call" (literally!) to truly love and accept myself as I am.
I immediately moved to thoughts of peace and acceptance. I had every belief that my body was already healed--and that was my choice. I called my Mom & Dad, my sister, and a couple of my closest friends so I could talk about what was happening. As soon as I felt their love and support I was able to stay in that place of peace and acceptance. My body was strong, healthy and disease-free. And I believed it. Sure, I needed to walk through the next two weeks of consultations, surgery and recovery, but in my heart I knew that I was already healed. And so I was.
You see, one of the biggest gifts we all possess is the power of our choices. We choose every day, every hour, every moment, how we respond to the world around us. And in my case I was given a powerful opportunity to make a choice about my body and its ability to heal itself. I chose acceptance and love, not resistance and fear--and that choice stemmed from my belief that I was truly healed. The body may be delivering the most "tangible" message (easiest to recognize), but the mind and spirit are also working in tandem all the time! Thoughts, feelings, intuition--a powerful combination when connected and balanced.
This week I urge you to use your power of choice to create the reality you truly choose to believe regardless of what your current circumstances may appear to be. Take the opportunity to begin within--connect with your mind, body and spirit, and listen to the messages they're sending you. After all, it's your choice.
Peace.
The Ambassador of Goodwill
Relationships are an essential part of our life experience. Through relationships we learn to heal, grow, and find the reflections of our best selves in the those around us. As I pondered about the purpose of romantic relationships recently I thought I'd share some common myths.
1. You Only Get One Person; One Love (or there is only one person out there for you)
If this was true then you would still be with your second grade crush (and maybe you are)! However, this is one of the greatest myths that causes so many relationships to turn bitter, ugly, and sour, or keeps people together despite the fact that they are miserable. You don’t only get “one” person… you choose one person to be with at the time in your life where that relationship with them is loving, fulfilling, and purposeful. Life is in constant motion, and since life constantly changes, you also change. In a relationship as you change individually, you also have the opportunity to change together--in so, you also make a choice. You can continue to choose the same person over and over again but you are not obligated to stay in any relationship that’s not adding to your growth. Healthy relationships are always about freedom, not obligation. If your relationship is starting to crack, look at where you need to be more flexible, loving, and understanding. Communication is key here: listen to one another, ask for what you need, be respectful, and always keep both of your best interests in mind. Relationships are, indeed, a two-way street!
2. "I’ve Had a Tough Life—A Relationship Will Help Heal My Wounds"
Good luck with that! Relationships will bring up everything in your life that is unhealed or broken about you (emotionally or spiritually) but you do not want to use your relationship/partner to heal you—this is something you need to do for yourself. If you rely on your partner to fix you, then you’ve not taken responsibility for yourself and when you are eventually unhappy you will blame them for “not doing it right”.
3. Being In A Relationship is Better Than Being Alone
Not if it’s a bad relationship! Remember that relationships are meant for you to connect with another spirit in order to understand more about yourself. If you are using a relationship to mask loneliness, which is based in fear, your relationship will allow you to forget your loneliness temporarily, but loneliness will still be there. Also, if you are in a bad relationship that is not helping you grow, you cannot attract a good relationship since you already have that vacancy filled!
4. In Relationships, Opposites Attract
Yes, they may attract at first, but they rarely sustain. Having different qualities in one another can certainly be appealing—especially when you first meeting someone, but in the long run you will need to find more common ground on which to walk together. Use your differences to teach one another more about the sides of yourselves you’ve yet to explore and use your relationship to help each other grow. Just be sure to focus on your differences as strengths and whether you agree or not, always be respectful.
5. "I’ve Tried Being In Relationships Before, But I Always Seem To Mess Things Up."
You will get what you intend. Examine what you went into the relationship for in the first place—was it to fill a void in your life? Have someone to take care of? You will need to find peace with yourself before you go into relationship or you will find yourself attempting to deal with your own personal problems through your partner, making your problems theirs or vice versa. Develop a relationship with yourself before going into a relationship with another. Find peace with yourself, your past, and your decisions. Also, if you believe that you will “mess up” a relationship, then you will automatically program yourself into “sabotage-mode” and in time the relationship will, indeed, fail—it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Set your course for success! Believe that you deserve and will have a positive, loving relationship.
Make this springtime about creating healthy and happy relationships in your life. Happy Spring!
Namaste.
The Ambassador of Goodwill
Learn to say more with less words.
Peace.
This past week I had an interesting coffee conversation with a friend about "what kind of a lives" we were living. Especially in these times of economic stress it's quite common for people to re-examine their lives and think carefully about their priorities, so this conversation was both timely and apropos. We both shared highlights of our current life events including our careers, relationships, special "projects" or interests, and also our hopes and dreams for the future--a good time to pause and ponder, something I truly enjoy doing as much as possible!
When I returned to my desk I saw something that perfectly complimented our conversation. It was a small article from a newspaper written by an 85-year old woman about how she was reflecting on her life with a bit of remorse at the things she'd wish she'd done if she could live her life over--a letter to prompt its reader about the importance of opportunity and appreciation. Somehow I'd kept this clipping for many years and each time I found myself in a new job or new office, this piece of paper managed to make the journey along with me. I usually ended up hanging it somewhere within plain view so I could be reminded to focus on what's important when I'd lost focus.
This week I'd like to share that small, yet powerful, letter with you. May you also be reminded to take the opportunity and say, do, and experience what truly makes you happy.
Peace.
The Ambassador of Goodwill
If I Had My Life to Live Over
I'd like to make more mistakes next time.
I'd relax. I would limber up. I would be sillier
than I had been this trip. I would take fewer
things seriously. I would take more chances. I
would climb more mountains and swim more
rivers. I would eat more ice cream and less beans.
I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but
I'd have fewer imaginary ones.
You see, I'm one of those people who live sensibly
and sanely hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I've
had my moments, and if I had it to do over again,
I'd have more of them. In fact, I'd try to have
nothing else. Just moments, one after another,
instead of living so many years ahead of each day.
I've been one of those persons who never goes
anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water
bottle, a raincoat, and a parachute. If I had to
do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.
If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot
earlier in the spring and stay that way later in
the fall. I would go to more dances. I would ride
more merry-go-rounds, I would pick more daisies.
Nadine Stair
85-years old
Louisville, Kentucky
Relax
Until a few years ago, I would regularly feel disappointment when the outcome of a decision I’d made didn’t turn out as planned. I felt I'd made a "wrong" decision and I would focus on how I should have chosen differently. This was until I realized every decision I made is, indeed, always the “right” decision at the time—it all depends on how you look at it. How can that be possible? Because life is a process of growing, and making choices (and mistakes) is an integral part of the growing process!
The basis for this belief is in respecting yourself. Whether you make (what you consider) a good decision or not, you need to respect and support yourself--believing that you’re making the best choice with the information you have at the moment. If, later down the line you realize that you didn’t make the “best” choice (i.e., the outcome of our decision did not turn out favorably), you have the opportunity to learn how to accept the outcome as a learning experience.
Love and accept yourself as you are—but also love and accept yourself as you were… even if who you were has caused you disappointment. You cannot know what the future holds; you can only choose what you feel is best at that precise moment. After the decision has been made you can choose to be disappointed by the results or you can accept them, love them, and treat them as life lessons and a necessary part of your journey. For without decisions with “less than desirable consequences”, how would you have the opportunity to know what not to do?
Next time you are faced with the unexpected outcome of a decision think about what you choose to believe—think about your perspective: Crisis or Catharsis? Obstacle or Opportunity? Instead of blaming yourself for your decision, think again—accept your decision and the undesired consequences as signals to learn from your choices and use the opportunity to look for the “lesson in the learning”. This is a perfect time to love and accept yourself and your decisions as necessary steps down your road of discovery. Besides, once you learn to accept all of yourself you will be able to accept others--and that equals a win-win situation!
Be Well.
I wanted to take a moment this week and quote one of my favorite passages about relationships written by Brian A. "Drew" Chalker. Every time I read it I remember how important it is to honor the purpose of our relationships—not only when they begin, but when they end as well. May you find purpose in each and every one of your relationships and value them as a necessary component along your journey!
Peace.
**************************************************
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem to be like a gift, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. And, when their reason is done, they will leave your life just as quickly as they entered into it.
Without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand; sometimes they just stop calling; sometimes they move away; sometimes they die. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, our lesson learned. Therefore, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered, and now it is time to move on.
When people come into your life for a season, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, a purpose-filled relationship, or make you laugh. They may teach you things you have never known, but things you will never forget. They usually bring you an unbelievable abundance of joy. Believe it! They are real; but only for a season. Their season may be weeks; months; maybe even years; but when their season is complete, they, too, will leave your life. Sometimes only for the time being; sometimes forever. Bless the relationship; appreciate the season; love the purpose.
Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation so that your life may continue to move forward. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. When people enter your life for a lifetime, they are there in good times and bad; they share in your joy and sadness; their love for you is unending. Your connection to them is permanent, and your relationship is unique. Lifetime relationships last a lifetime! This lifetime and often many more; past, present, future; time knows no boundaries in lifetime relationships. They are sacred; holy ground. Treat them with the most respect that comes from the very fiber of your being; for lifetime relationships define your existence.
Photo by D. A. Garriss
